If you thought that was bad ......

...... wait until you see what happened next ......


It all started out innocently enough. RGH, 007 and I went out to feed the ducks - ok, mostly geese - our left-over bread (the days of our RBD's coming with us are sadly long gone) ......

Yep. All looks innocent enough.

I liked this pair ......

George and Mildred (..... anyone old enough to remember that?)

And RGH felt sorry for this goose as it had a bad leg ......

...... so he kept giving it more bread ......

(you see? I told you he was a gert big softie!)

Anyway. Unbeknown to me 007 had heard me say that I was going to get rid of the stunt monkey sack and thought he'd save me the trouble. So he'd stashed the sack and the monkees in my bike pannier and when we were distracted he hauled it off ......

..... like some kind of knitted Father Christmas

..... down some steps .......

...... he dragged and heaved - remember, there were 3 stunt monkees in there .......








...... right up to the water's edge .......

...... where he had a quick look round .......

....... to check that nobody was watching .......

....... and then he opened up the bag .......

...... and shook those poor stunt monkees right into the water!

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

..... and obviously a complete lie, but I had you going there for a minute, didn't I? Didn't I??

As if 007 would hurt these guys!

While we were there we took a few more snaps for RGH's pleasure. And please, if porn offends you in any way please look away now.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Just for RGH ..... and any other males (or females) who are into this kind of thing ......

Bike Porn ......

Oooooohhh .......







....... Aaaaaaahhhhh .......

And finally, now I'm really concerned ...... look what moved into our bedroom over the weekend ......

Hmm, it's getting ever closer to the marital bed ..... that cartoon in the paper was meant to be a joke but I'm worried that RGH is taking it as instruction.

Meanwhile ..... in the conservatory ......

...... a new HP monkee was being introduced ......

HP5

Well, I say new, but she's actually been around for a while ......

Here she is, gossiping with Vera, before Vera split (...... not literally I hope, Michaela)

Anyway, when 007 heard there were a couple of new stunt monkees for the sack, he was keen to help them in there as swiftly as possible .......

...... with the aid of a broom.

Just helping you out. You can thank me later.

Luckily, HP4 was hanging around and was happy to lend them a hand .......

Come on up - the view's great!

....... by throwing down the scarf that he'd been sleeping on ..... don't worry - it's not a hand-knit ......

(good job too, as by this stage 007 had moved on to pointy needles)

..... VERY pointy needles .......

Go on, Pinky, get in there!

He watched and waited and prayed that HP4 would fall ......

....... to a knitted grave

But eventually all the stunt monkees were safe from the evil clutches of 007 ......

Good. They're where they belong. In a bin bag.





Hmm. There's just something not quite right .......

That's better

So. Another couple of stunt monkees have been tossed into the sack, and I'm just slightly concerned that at this rate it's going to take me years to fill it up. I'm thinking maybe I need a new - smaller - stunt monkee sack. I'll give it some thought.

Oh, and trek? You're right of course, it is a wonder how I ever actually manage to get any knitting done as I do love a good photo op. (although that last one wasn't mine, honest), but look .....

see how I suffer for my art - those trousers? Black. That rug? Seriously moulting. That hoover? Lost. (In RBD1's bedroom I think). Those slippers? £2, Primark. Don't judge.

Today I'm mostly doing this ......

While trying not to think about this ......

...... RGH's lycra-clad botty

or this .......

RBD1's hell-hole of a bedroom

or this .......

Ditto RBD2's

or the devastation that four teenagers are currently wrecking on my lounge

(note to Lucy Locket : bet my kids are messier than your kids!)

or this .......

...... a raspberry and white choc chip muffin. Mmmmmmm.

I'll maybe definitely think about that last one tomorrow though.

Hope you're having a super smashing marvellous weekend - whatever you're doing.

Playing catch up - Part I

Remember HP2? Little hairy grey thing? One of the additional prizes when I couldn't pick a winner for my caption contest?


Amy recently sent me some photos to show me how the re-named Zac is settling in to his new life ......


After managing to fight his way out of a paper bag he seems to have taken to life in the new household.

Although at first I worried it may be too high-brow for him there ...... books??

But then I realised it was just another home from home ...... phew!

Thanks for the smashing photos Amy, I hope that Zac is behaving himself and isn't drinking you out of house and home (I teach my monkees well ..... )

In other news, RGH is off on another of those mad rides tomorrow. When he told me he was going to be doing 75 miles I thought "Pah! That's nothing! I do 75 miles each day on my commute to work!" and then I thought ...... "no wait, I do 7.5 miles" tsk - me and my maths!

And after I posted about cycling possibly being his take on a mid-life crisis last week, we saw this in the Sunday papers. How apt!

Anyway, I'll have plenty of time for monkeeing around tomorrow so hopefully over the weekend I'll play catch up with the latest stunt monkees.

Happy Friday!

Monkee? ........ or Mouse?

I'm a bit concerned about the latest creation hot off the needles at Monkee Towers. I'm worried that HP6 (yes, I have technically gone out of order) looks more like a mouse than a monkee ......

Don't be fooled that it appears to look much bigger than those "apples".

Or even that it looks quite monkee-esque sat on these railings .......

(please note ...... this is not our street. Sometimes at weekends RGH and I like to walk around the posh area of Bristol, maybe have a coffee there, and just generally pretend that we live there. We don't.) (And never will) (Sigh) (Like they'd let a monkee nutter like me live amongst them!)



But have you ever seen a monkee so small that it needed A REALLY BIG ARROW pointing it out?





...... or one so tiny that it could get lost IN GRASS? ........

....... one so small that it could be inadvertently posted?

....... a monkee so titchy that even a baby seat swamped it?

...... or a monkee that could fit in a tea-cup??

I think not.

Oh, and don't be alarmed by the fact that we were trying out the competition this weekend ...... we still managed to fit in one of these ........

(a monkee so minuscule that it could only just see over a muffin?!)

Hmm, maybe I should change my name to Mousee Maker, what do you think?

Oh hang on ...... apparently there's been a news-flash just in .......

I'M A MONKEE!!!

Right, well, I guess that clears it up then.

And just in case you're wondering about the proportions of the latest titchy HP, it's the same pattern as the others but using skinny minnie 4 ply wool and super slim No. 13 / 2.25mm needles. But I have a question for anyone who makes whole garments with said skinny wool and needles ...... how?? It's so fiddly and takes so long!

New Model Monkey Army

You want stunt monkees? Ok, I'll give you stunt monkees .......

But only a sneak preview ......

As currently I'm still a teeny tiny bit obsessed with my New Monkey Army .......

Planning their strategy

Oh-oh. We've been rumbled.

Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave ...... ok, just smile

The NMA try to look busy ...... and fail miserably

I know, I'm just playing with you now ...... Sorry! I promise there'll be more about one of the new stunt monkees tomorrow. I'm putting those pesky monkey skittles back in their box, where they belong. Yep, any minute now .......