Thursday, May 31

007 - Licensed to thrill

Now I'm a huge fan of Daniel Craig as Bond. Those smouldering good looks and that perfect pout, not to mention that beautiful beach bod. But in my heart I think 007 should be tall, dark and handsome.

In fact why they haven't auditioned RGH yet is a mystery to me.

Gratuitous RGH shot ....... phwoar. Ahem. Sorry.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. 007.

Well, two out of three ain't bad. (He's quite short)

He looks dapper in that dickie bow tie

And he's a hot shot with that spud gun ..... I mean Walther PPK

But he didn't always look so smooth. At first I thought I'd lost my monkey mojo and knitted his arms too long ........

It was tragic!

But in the end, he worked out just fine .......

I'm expecting a call from Barbara Broccoli any minute.

Wednesday, May 30

Daily Photo # 31

RBD1's bedroom. Nice.

And with that in mind, don't you just love school holidays? Were they this long when I was young? I think not. Or this frequent? Or this rainy? Definitely not. And how old do I sound moaning like that?? Very!

Today after taking my RBD's for a promised shopping trip in which they skip around happily carrying cute carrier bags with string handles and I sob quietly into my purse, I shall be taking solace in this ......

a new mug!

...... or I could borrow the one I got for RGH ........

And I'll be wondering just what it is that's missing from my life ........

Happy half term to parents everywhere, and to non-parents too - enjoy those quieter roads while you can!

Tuesday, May 29

This is a man's world .......

...... but not in our house. It's a Girls World. And sometimes my poor out-numbered RGH feels slightly "hormoned out". So when he requested his very own monkey for his big 4 - 0 earlier this year I felt I had to oblige by knitting him a MAN'S CHIMP.

I used the same Sirdar ITV Digital Monkey pattern (which has been reborn as the PG Tips monkey) but doubled everything.

RGH also requested that it be knitted inside-out, ie. smooth side out as opposed to the inside on the outside like the monkeys usually are. Does that make any sense what-so-ever? Thought not.

No. 2 seemed slightly concerned by the proportions of his fellow primate.

Working on a project of this size meant I had a couple of bouts of Monkey Fatigue Syndrome, and during one of these bouts I made Harriett and Fiona. It was actually quite handy because when my RFS asked what I was working on I could lie with a clear conscience (always the best way to lie!) and say that I was just plugging away on the monkey.

At this point in the post I wanted to add the much heralded film that I created with the use of my humble camera and rather marvellous new laptop, but damn and blast my lack of technical ability!! So far I've lost this post twice while trying to do it and despite searching the whole of the interwebmachinerator for advice I'm still left dazed and confused, so I'm giving up!

Hopefully if you click on the link below you will be taken to my film on youtube (fingers crossed), but if not, shame, it's really good! (not!)

Before you do that though, I just want to mention a few things :-

  • I'm not a film maker
  • No. 5 only has one eye in the film - I was running out of time, RGH was due home any minute, SOMEONE had to make the tea, and other such excuses

  • I'm not a film maker

  • the cool music is by my RAN's (Rather Awesome Nephew's) band. RAN, not to be confused with his brother, RCN (Rather Cool Nephew)

  • I'm not a film maker

  • I've just realised how UN-COOL I probably am by referring to "cool music"

  • I'm not a film maker
So, if you click here, you may or may not be able to see the film that certainly won't be featuring at the Cannes Film Festival any time soon!

RGH was suitably impressed with his new buddy.......

........ but No. 5 thought RGH was a tad intimate for their first meeting - watch that hand mate!

Monday, May 28

Random Monkey Shot # 8

This is No. 5

Tune in tomorrow for exciting film footage* of his creation

Happy Rainy Bank Holiday Monday!

* Disclaimer : viewers may not find said film footage exciting. Weird; yes. Exciting; possibly not.

Sunday, May 27

Gratuitous Muffin Shot # 5

No wait ...... is that a hair??

RBD1 came with us. She didn't finish her muffin. What's that all about?

Knitting Conundrum # 1

Which is worse - a hair in your food or a hair in your knitting?

I know that this may seem obvious to non-knittists, or those with short hair or even those who vacuum their house regularly, but I'm not so sure.

My RBD's have very long hair and mine is shoulder length and what with my aversion to the hoover (I did mention I was lazy didn't I?), it occasionally transpires that a rogue hair gets tangled up in my ball of wool and then tangled up in the monkey I'm knitting at the time.

When I spot one of these wayward hairs and tug at it and it breaks, it gives me the same kind of nauseous feeling and watery mouth that I experience when pulling someone else's hair out of the food in my mouth.

I'm just saying. Oh, and I'll pass on the muffin today thanks.

Saturday, May 26

Daily Photo # 14

Late last year I was lurking at Crazy Aunt Purls blog and she mentioned this site, , where a chap called Martyn Hoyer took at least one photograph every day for a year. He's taken some amazing pictures and while I can't hope to emulate them with my humble 3.2 mega pixel camera, I thought I'd give it a go.

'How hard can it be to take one picture every day?' I thought. Very, I've realised! It's fine on the days that you go somewhere different or do something out of the ordinary, but on those normal, every-day days it can be really difficult to find inspiration. So far I've taken two shots of my washing line - one of which is quite arty (in my opinion), the other not so much.

Daily Photo # 38

On another inspiration-less day I took a snap of the remnants of our fish and chip supper!

Daily Photo # 88

My RGH doesn't have the same enthusiasm for taking pictures, in fact he prefers to be in front of the camera geeking around ........

Daily Photo # 42

...... but a couple of times he's borrowed my spare camera and has taken some lovely shots. Like this one.

Obviously I've hidden the camera from him now. One budding photographer in the family is more than enough!

Anyway. In monkey news, work has commenced on a new capuchin (who knew?!) and still to come - No. 5 The Movie. Stay tuned monkey lovers (and anyone else who may have stumbled into this blog after typing "knitted monkeys in compromising positions" into Google!)

Friday, May 25

Found in a dictionary

I was perusing a dictionary today - as you do - and I came upon these gems :-

monkey n (pl -keys) 1 a medium-sized primate belonging to the group that includes baboons, marmosets, capuchins, and macaques 2 a mischievous child (infml)

monkey around or about vi behave in a silly careless way

monkey business n illegal, dishonest, or dubious activity (infml)

monkey nut n a peanut in its shell (infml)

monkey wrench n a spanner with an adjustable jaw

Mmm, all very interesting but I think the last one needs to be redefined. I think it should read :

monkey wrench adj an emotion of guilt associated with creating a knitted primate and then deserting it in London

My Sister and I are Babes

You must have had a similar conversation to the one I had a while back with my sister :-

Me : If you woke up following a coma and had no memory of your life, what name would you give yourself?

My sister :

Me : Or if you were fed up with a life of drudgery and housework and decided to disappear and start a new life, what name would you come up with? (Not that I am, you understand. Drudgery? Pah! Housework? LOVE IT!)

My sister :

Me : I'd be Fiona Thornton. Fiona, after my best friend at primary school and Thornton after my favourite chocolates in the whole wide world.

My sister : Harriett Suchard.

Now, I'm not sure how she came up with Harriett, but being her sister and quite close and all, I'm pretty sure I know where the Suchard came from.

And so our alter egos were born. My parents were confused when I started talking about Harriett, as they were sure they'd only had two daughters (and two sons), and it was quite exciting when post started arriving for Fiona Thornton. Because although I'm actually 38, in my head I'm obviously just 8!

Anyway, during a bout of MFS and prior to my sister's birthday, I decided to bring our alter egos to life. In knit form.

Harriett Suchard

Fiona Thornton

Harriett is blond haired and blue eyed

And Fiona ....... isn't

In fact, for a while there, she was bald

But soon she had a mop of brown - sorry, a full head of brunette - hair

And I really do have these exact shoes in my wardrobe! (apart from they're not knitted, natch)

Here they are, complete with bags (my sister and I like bags) prior to being squished up into a really small box and packaged off to my sis for her birthday.

I'll say again, My Sister and I are Babes ........ Knitted Babes that is!

If you too would like to be immortalized in knit, I used the patterns from Claire Garland's Knitted Babes book. Her website is on the right. Be warned though, while the babes are definitely fun to knit, they are very labour intensive. And they're not monkeys.

Thursday, May 24

I *heart* stationery

If only they were really this big!

Up the Gunners!

Right, where were we? Ah yes, London. Before we left the big smoke, RGH's brother, my REB (Rather Eccentric Brother-in-law) took us to check out the new Arsenal stadium. Oh, the excitement!

RGH was suitably impressed but sadly the monkeys - and possibly those non-footie fans among us - just thought it was .........

Back at my REB's house we had a bit of a party. Unfortunately No. 4 embarrassed us all by pigging out on the croissants

No. 3 was so revolted he turned away in disgust and No. 4 hasn't been able to look at a croissant without feeling slightly nauseous ever since.

Soon the time came for us to leave. The monkeys looked nervous about the prospect of being left in a strange home in a strange town with a str...... slightly eccentric man. But we reassured them ........ actually we just bolted to the door while their backs were turned!

And then we left. Without so much as a backward glance. In fact that's not quite true, because despite all I've said about these pesky primates, they're not really bad monkeys. It's just the way they were positioned.

Wednesday, May 23

Gratuitous Muffin Shot # 4

I'm saying nothing ......

........ apart from this ........ if I HAD to justify the decadence that is latte and muffin on a WEDNESDAY - not that I do, you understand, but if pressed I would say that it's a little celebration for me. For not being in the throes of labour like I was 13 years ago today.

Still, it was obviously worth it; if we hadn't gone through that life-changing event all those years ago, No.6 ....... I mean, RBD2 ....... wouldn't be here today!

Anyway, what else is a girl meant to do on a day like this? Housework?? I think not.

Ooh, and I'll quickly just say one other thing - the tale of the Monkeys in London will be continued tomorrow. For some reason I was distracted today.

Hippo Birdy 2 Ewes ...... and 1 Monkey

Hurrah! RBD2 is finally a teenager - as opposed to just acting like one!

She wanted a puppy.

But she got this instead .........

"Can you tell what it is yit??"

(with sincere apologies for the terrible Rolf Harris impersonation!)

Introducing No. 6!

But just think of the benefits of Monkey versus Dog :-

  • he won't need walking
  • he's cheap to keep
  • you'll never need to pick up his ....... waste product
  • he won't cost a fortune in vets bills
  • and he won't bite ....... unless provoked

Plus, he's rather cute .......

........ and quite the party animal

So here's to you, RBD2,

- what it says on the banner!

Note. Phew! It was a late one last night but I finally got there. And thank God I did! While I was madly knitting ears, RBD2 was innocently playing on my laptop. Or so I thought. When I went to switch it off at bedtime, this was my screensaver :


Tuesday, May 22

London 2007 - The Tour continues

So No. 3 and No. 4 were getting into the whole tourist vibe in London. They discussed having a spin on the eye but No. 3 isn't very good with heights.

They frolicked happily along the Embankment.

No. 4 decided he'd quite like to become an MP and work in the Houses of Parliament.

No. 3 told him not to be so silly - they don't let monkeys in there! ....... hmm, on second thoughts though ......

They nearly got arrested for trying to infiltrate Westminster. "Ello, ello, ello, we'll have no monkey business here!"

They dined in some fine eateries .......

........ actually they decided on a liquid lunch instead ........

While under the influence, No. 4 reached for the complimentary monkey nuts. Strangely No. 3 didn't point out his error.

With more sightseeing after lunch the monkeys began to flag and we decided to finish off a lovely day in that time honoured English tradition ....... no, not climbing Nelson's column - although No. 4 was tempted ........

........ enjoying a rather lovely Cup of Tea.

Tune in tomorrow for the final exciting instalment, in which the monkey's check out RGH's favourite football team's headquarters, and nearly get arrested for exposing themselves on the pitch.

(Disclaimer : any viewers tuning in tomorrow for monkey nudity will be disappointed. It was simply a carrot. An enticement. Plus, LOOK! They're already naked!)