007 in Mission : Unbelievable - Part I (Certificate PG)

Things came to a rather nasty head this weekend. The day started off like any other and nobody knew that the following terrible events would unfold.

007 had just settled down to watch a film .....

(Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, if you're interested, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law)

But no sooner had it started, when 007 suddenly had a pillow case dumped unceremoniously over him ....

.... which was hastily tied up with string, with 007 frantically kicking and struggling inside .....


(you may not be able to tell that he's frantically kicking and struggling, but you'll have to take my word for that. Would I lie to you??)





And he was dragged - still struggling - out of the front door .....



mm ... seems familiar doesn't it? I wonder where the perpetrators of this monkee kidnapping got that idea from ....




.... and bundled into the back of a waiting car ....

He was then driven to a local beauty spot where he was tossed out as duck bait .....

.... luckily for 007 the ducks had had their fill of bread that day, so weren't interested.

Then they tried to throw him to the lions! .... ok .... lion ....

.... but quite frankly that just tickled a bit ....

Realising that they'd have to up their game, the perps then drove him to the Avon Gorge.



And threw him off .....

It was a long way down, but luckily 007 is no ordinary monkee made of knit .....

.... and against all odds he managed to scramble back up ....

.... straight back into their evil clutches.




The next thing he knew he was hanging upside down ....

.... over the rather murky River Avon - with duct tape muffling his monkee screams ....

Luckily at that moment the river police came along and threatened the criminal masterminds behind this cunning scheme with prosecution if they littered the river, so the action was moved on ....




.... to the train tracks!!

.... gulp ....

Thank heavens that particular train track was a disused one (please! .... as if I would encourage people to strap a knitted monkey to a real live track!) so the abductors thought they'd change their tactic.



To a tactic of torture.



First they tried stretching 007 .....

.... quite effectively as it goes ....

And then they turned to .... the chair* ....

.... oh, don't be fooled by it's look of innocence. It's pretty blue bird and sprinkling of flowers. For it is .... the chair of doom ....




You've seen Casino Royale, right? And that scene?? (about 2 minutes in)




Well with a little suspended belief, a smattering of imagination and a cartoon saw, that chair was easily recreated ....

.... and 007 was hastily strapped onto it. Then blindfolded.

.... which was probably for the best ....

Oh. It was bad. Make no mistake, it was bad. Would 007's monkee-hood ever be the same again? Has 007 even got any monkee-hood? (well ... he hasn't now, that's for sure ....)

But unbelievably the worst was yet to come. I know. Like I said, it really is unbelievable ....



Worse than Chinese water torture.



Much, much worse ....

.... the sound of a bell tolling .....




.... make that more of a tinkling ..... yeah .... definitely a tinkling, not a tolling ....



.... a little bell tinkling ....

.... the sound of the chocolate bunny's little bell tinkling in his ear .....

.... a cruel and twisted torture, I'm sure you'll agree ....

Well, that was just too much. 007 was a broken monkee.

.... could this be the end for 007? ..... and more to the point - where was Greg while all this was going on??



..... tune in same time (roughly), same place tomorrow, to find out .....

* chair prop very kindly provided by Moogsmum's shop