Tuesday, May 6

007 in Mission : Unbelievable - Part I (Certificate PG)


Things came to a rather nasty head this weekend. The day started off like any other and nobody knew that the following terrible events would unfold.

007 had just settled down to watch a film .....



(Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, if you're interested, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jude Law)





But no sooner had it started, when 007 suddenly had a pillow case dumped unceremoniously over him ....






.... which was hastily tied up with string, with 007 frantically kicking and struggling inside .....


(you may not be able to tell that he's frantically kicking and struggling, but you'll have to take my word for that. Would I lie to you??)





And he was dragged - still struggling - out of the front door .....



mm ... seems familiar doesn't it? I wonder where the perpetrators of this monkee kidnapping got that idea from ....




.... and bundled into the back of a waiting car ....







He was then driven to a local beauty spot where he was tossed out as duck bait .....



.... luckily for 007 the ducks had had their fill of bread that day, so weren't interested.




Then they tried to throw him to the lions! .... ok .... lion ....


.... but quite frankly that just tickled a bit ....




Realising that they'd have to up their game, the perps then drove him to the Avon Gorge.



And threw him off .....








It was a long way down, but luckily 007 is no ordinary monkee made of knit .....






.... and against all odds he managed to scramble back up ....




.... straight back into their evil clutches.




The next thing he knew he was hanging upside down ....




.... over the rather murky River Avon - with duct tape muffling his monkee screams ....




Luckily at that moment the river police came along and threatened the criminal masterminds behind this cunning scheme with prosecution if they littered the river, so the action was moved on ....




.... to the train tracks!!



.... gulp ....



Thank heavens that particular train track was a disused one (please! .... as if I would encourage people to strap a knitted monkey to a real live track!) so the abductors thought they'd change their tactic.



To a tactic of torture.



First they tried stretching 007 .....


.... quite effectively as it goes ....




And then they turned to .... the chair* ....




.... oh, don't be fooled by it's look of innocence. It's pretty blue bird and sprinkling of flowers. For it is .... the chair of doom ....




You've seen Casino Royale, right? And that scene?? (about 2 minutes in)




Well with a little suspended belief, a smattering of imagination and a cartoon saw, that chair was easily recreated ....








.... and 007 was hastily strapped onto it. Then blindfolded.





.... which was probably for the best ....




Oh. It was bad. Make no mistake, it was bad. Would 007's monkee-hood ever be the same again? Has 007 even got any monkee-hood? (well ... he hasn't now, that's for sure ....)








But unbelievably the worst was yet to come. I know. Like I said, it really is unbelievable ....



Worse than Chinese water torture.



Much, much worse ....




.... the sound of a bell tolling .....




.... make that more of a tinkling ..... yeah .... definitely a tinkling, not a tolling ....



.... a little bell tinkling ....









.... the sound of the chocolate bunny's little bell tinkling in his ear .....



.... a cruel and twisted torture, I'm sure you'll agree ....




Well, that was just too much. 007 was a broken monkee.




.... could this be the end for 007? ..... and more to the point - where was Greg while all this was going on??



..... tune in same time (roughly), same place tomorrow, to find out .....





* chair prop very kindly provided by Moogsmum's shop

27 comments:

mushroommeadows said...

This is HILARIOUS!!! Though poor little fellow...I hope he makes it!

The suspense is killing me...

Manoute said...

It is a torture to have to wait till tomorrow!!!
Poor 007, he won't be the same after all that... The bunny bell was really cruel.

Aglaya said...

Poor 007. Considering his braveness and monkey powers how was it possible he ended tied to a chair tortured and finally broken? The memory of his beloved friend was surely the only thing that could have broken him... And the persecutor must have known him well to know that... What a vicious creature is at the bottom of all this?

PS. Being eaten by ducks... what a terrible way to die! (I live in Poland, we had twin ducks rulling here and I can imagine what 007 has been through ;))

SuzyB said...

O. M. G.

Thats terrible!

You were watching Sky Captain??? Have you no respect??!!

It puts the PLOP in PLOP Films.

Sheesh.

Oh and lookit 007 - funky monkee, such a hero :o) xx

Marie said...

ROFLMAO. Hilarious.

But serious MM - you need to get out more. Without the monkee!! ;)

xMx

Lesley said...

I can hardly bare it....poor 007. Had I known what dastardly deed was afoot when those perps stole your identity and raided my shop for THE CHAIR I would never have sent it to Monkee Towers!!
I feel sick that I have been unwittingly instrumental in the destruction of 007's manhood......

:(

p.s. I had to smile at the thought of you, 007 and RGH (and the perps) on all those CCTV cameras around Brizzle......I'd love to see the look on the operators faces when they see that bit of footage :)

Rach said...

So cruel BUT so funny! Have people started walking on the other side of the street when they see you yet?

Joleo said...

OMG that was so cruel. But funny. Next installment please...

Gladys said...

Poor 007.Start making the patry.It must be pigeon pie for Greg.He is obviously a threat to monkee domination so get rid of him now.

Gladys said...

Sorry that should read pastry.Just so upset at 007's plight I can't spell properly.

Lucy Locket-Pocket said...

poor old 007 - it doesn't get much worse than that (does it???? please say no!)

but I still don't believe Greg would do such terrible things - there must be some other criminal mastermind behind all this torture.

And along with everyone else, I have to say "You need to get out more!" - although actually I really rather like you just as you are so stay in and stay barmy!

Lucy x

Louise said...

OMG, I was hoping my day was off to a good start. It's spiralled into a pit of torment and uncertainty!

I thought this was a 'nice' blog, how could someone treat poor 007 this way??? This is Primate Purgatory at it's very worse!!!

Not to mention the fact I have to live in limbo for a whole day worrying about the poor guy!!

AND why isn't that bell around the bunnies neck where it should be?? Don't tell me someone's finished him off as well!!!

...thanks for a great blog ;o) -- I hope you don't mind I 'borrowed' (read STOLE) a picture to help explain my horror of the unfolding events on my blog.
Louise - Bristolian exiled in Canada

Nia said...

I'll rescue you, 007! Just 'blink' your whereabouts in morse code, and I'll be there in approx. 2hours! Oh, and please bear in mind that I'm terrified of pigeons, so if it is Greg that's doing this to you, I probably won't be much good...

Jodie said...

I just adore you monkee maker.
Your are so absolutely and completely bonkers that you make me feel normal. I wish we were in the same hemisphere.

Di said...

Wait, wait, wait - till I pick myself up of the floor and stop laughing! My colleague has also been having hysterics.......not sure if I can wait till tomorrow to find out what happens....

trek said...

What evil mastermind is behind all of this?!

Katy said...

the horror of it, that poor bunny....if you've eaten it...there'll be trouble in store for you madam, LET ME TELL YOU!!! (coz you could have saved me a bit, couldn't you?)

Michaela said...

Knowing my feelings on that whole (hole?) chair scene, I have to say that your 007 hams it up so much better than Mr Craig. Give the monkee an oscar. As to the bell torture thing, cuckoo clocks would have been so much worse, so rest easy tonight 007, happy in the knowledge that your little friend died, um, expired, in the name of good taste.

oliverandolivia.com said...

LOVE IT!

I really needed a good laugh today....see my blog and you will know why (money pit).

Sorry 007, but a laugh at your expense has made my day...again.

No worries 007, I feel certain that tomorrow will bring a happy ending to this hilarious debauchery.

Gina said...

Oh no! I can't stand the tension!

Charlie P said...

How long did that take you (and your (un)willing assisstant(s)?!?!!? It's AMAZING...as well as mysterious... and horrible (for 007 that is).
Can't wait to find out who's behind the evil plot. I hope it's a GIANT evil monkee :D

Bethany Hissong said...

I gulped when I saw that chair, knowing poor Lesley had no idea that it would be used for evil!!! Just wait little buddy! Ruby is on her way!!! (hopefully,... if she doesn't get lost.... you never know about monkeys!!)

the vicious chicken said...

*snigger*

Brilliant post MM :o) And I do like this installment vibe... can't wait to see what happens next! I imagined your last few lines being read in a booming voice-over stylie, like at the end of Pigs in Space. Or something with more levity, if you prefer, but Pigs in Space is about my level.
VCxx

PS No, I don't really know what I'm talking about, either...

Michaela said...

Pigs In Space? That's a new one to me VC - tell me more please do!

Kitty said...

Eeeeeeek! :-O Poor 007 ... what will become of him? He needs a trusty sidekick, not that sneaky Greg bloke. He needs a Tonto to ride to his rescue. A Robin to secure his release.

x

dottycookie said...

Poor 007! You had me nearly falling off the chair with the upside down dangling over the river!

Suzie Sews said...

OK...we have had a family viewing of this post...we are all laughing (how sick are we?) I am worried that my little one might start treating his Monkee with less than respect now!!!