I'm not even meant to be here .....

..... but I just wanted to clarify something. When I said in yesterday's post that 007's tricycle was in the garage, I didn't mean one of these .....

Oh no! I meant this .....

We call it the Banana Bike, and 007 is very proud of it. That's me on the back. We were going to the shops for some banana's and beer. And other stuff beginning with B.

So, Lucykate crafts, you were right, 007 is much more of a motorbiking monkee.


And just quickly, as I'm here, I'd like to thank a couple of people for the birthday greetings that I received recently .....

This cute ecard from HP1 - loving your new monkey mates there, HP1! Thank you, Sue

..... and this beautiful package that arrived from Lauren, the card maker extraordinaire, who also has an amazing talent for beautifying envelopes .....

Thanks Lauren, monkeys are my badge, baby! (and I hope your back is better soon. The card crafting world needs you!)

And finally, the thought for the day is this .....

Oh yeah, that's me to a T. Aloof. And be-decked in fur (fake fur I hasten to add).

Just one more .....

...... squished 007 shot, then I promise to leave the poor primate alone. For a while.



So, his tricycle was in the garage but could he wait until RGH or I could get it out for him??

No. He couldn't.

Another tip then, for new monkee owners ..... it would probably be best to keep your little knitted chum on a lead at all times, as you never know what they're getting up to.


Look after your monkee*


In other news, if you fancy a monkee on your back shoulder, I've put some bags into my shop, and some 007 Christmas cards. No knitted monkees yet, but rest assured I am working on them, and should have a pack of primates ready before Christmas.


And once again I'll leave you with a very valid thought for the day .....

* Don't do as I do, do as I tell you ..... with thanks to my Mum for that quote, remembered from my childhood. I just wish I could remember what it was she was doing that I shouldn't ......

Gorgeous Goodies Galore and a Prison break

Our postman/lady/person has been busy recently, and not just with the usual bills, bank statements and bike bits. Two more packages arrived for me and I couldn't wait to show them off ....



Last week I visited Gigibird's and Stella's Etsy shop, Gigibird & Florence Hope and bought two lovely corsages ..... only one of which I can show and tell I'm afraid, as the other is for a gift .....

(well, this one is a gift too ..... but for ME!)

And the other package contained my winnings from Rosie, after I entered her recent caption competition. This brilliant calendar ......

..... and this work of art in chocolate form. Really, I don't know whether to eat it or just stand back and admire it .....

(that's obviously a blatant lie)

Thank you so much, Gigibird and Rosie, for such great goodies.

They also very kindly included some other gifts in their parcels but these are staying strictly under wraps until a suitable storyline has been concocted. Oh, and suitable light levels would be handy too (let's say next summer then?)

Moving on to the monkee content of this post ..... have you heard of that TV programme, Prison Break, where a man gets himself sent to prison, having previously had his whole body tattooed with plans of the prison, so that he can break himself and his innocent brother out?

I have too.

Anyway, here's a picture of 007 trying to break out of our house .....

..... unsuccessfully, I might add. Maybe having the plans of our house embroidered all over his little knitted body would have helped .....

And I'll leave you with today's thought for the day ......

More monkee safety advice

DO NOT let your unattended monkee anywhere near cars ......

..... you never know what cunning plan they'll come up with to rid themselves of you .....

So. It's back to work for me today, but I'm trying to remain positive. I finally got my act together on the monkee stuff front and I'll be putting some bags and 007 Christmas cards in my shop on Wednesday morning. No monkees made of knit for a while yet though, I'm afraid.

In weekend news, on Saturday the postie brought me some lovely gifts from Lesley, aka Moogsmum .....

...... as a Thank you for her monkee, Ruby; one of her beautiful corsages - the exact one that I'd asked if I could purchase - and a bespoke cup holder, which came in very handy at the coffee shop yesterday. Thank you, Lesley, they're great (as were the Quality Street chocs which didn't actually last long enough to be photographed .....)

And I stand corrected about movie sequels, after watching Die Hard 4.0. I thought the one with Alan Rickman in it was good, and the Jeremy Irons one (can't remember which numbers they were) but this one was even better ..... 007 was on the edge of the seat too .....

...... ok, so it was a tad far-fetched in places, but I'll forgive Bruce anything ..... even covering up the vest with another shirt throughout the film. (I knew it was there, all along .... getting dirty and sweaty in the background. In fact it really was the unsung hero of the film ....)

Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't be going back to work today ..... I'm quite clearly ill .....

Let them me eat cake

Sorry, more monkee safety advice will have to wait. It appears that there are some unfortunate souls in the world who don't know what Dime cake is. How tragic. So, Suzy and Trek ..... this is Dime cake .....

(make that Daim cake, if you're Swedish)

..... and here it is up close and personal in the restaurant .....

(.... the great thing about having a slice of Dime cake at half nine in the morning is that you can by-pass all those conventional types queueing up for bacon and sausages and get to the shopping part more quickly!)

..... and here it is with Smashie trying to get in on the act .....

(as I knew that my hands were going to be rather full, taking 007 was out of the question so I popped the vicious chicken's Smashie into my bag. Thanks, VC, he was the perfect size for this trip ..... and hardly anyone noticed!)

As requested by Patti, we went looking for storage jars .....

..... not sure which size you wanted though, Patti, was it these big ones?

..... or these tiny ones ...... ?

Or maybe it was even this kind ......

We also checked out the wardrobes for you, but I couldn't fit one of those into my yellow bag, so sorry, I didn't bother getting one ......

I spent some time, as I always do, imagining that I live in one of those lovely little studio apartment mock-ups ......

..... just me and the monkees .......

And then I just got carried away and started snapping Smashie all over the shop!

..... performing in an impromptu puppet show ...... (I think the one on the right was a bit scared of the new addition to the cast)

.... being bathed in a "Miss-Ellie" glow ....

...... trying to blend-in in the toy section ......

..... testing the beds .....






...... and the sofa's ......

..... wondering what these were (never having seen dusters before) ......

..... and just generally monkeying around.

Until we got asked to leave. Ok, so someone had noticed after all.* But we had fun while we were there.

Today is my last day of holiday - why oh why do holiday days go so much faster than work days?? And so far this week I've made the princely total of ..... one bag .... pathetic, I know. So today is all about monkee production. No computer, no trips out, no cake ..... until at least ten thirty .... just monkee making.

Before I go though, I keep forgetting to post a link to Dave ..... sorry Sharon, so here it is. And if you do drop by, please reassure Dave that he hasn't got a lardy arse .... it's perfectly in proportion!

* I didn't really get thrown out of Ikea. RGH rang, asked me how much I'd spent, then asked me to leave. Immediately.

What?!

I feel I must defend myself 007 for that last picture. He was merely innocently welcoming a new knitted chum into the flock, and any other meaning that may have been implied by that picture is purely as a result of my potty mind. And possibly yours.


Anyway ..... moving swiftly on to more pressing issues .....


A warning to any new or prospective owners of monkees made of knit .....


They're very nosey .....

I wonder what this is ......







I wonder what it does ......

Oh yesh ..... I shee now ..... a little asshishtansh pleashh .....

So be warned. It's a big bad world out there for the unsuspecting knitted primate. More monkee torture safety advice next time.

Right. I'm off to Ikea ..... in about three hours ..... for a teeny tiny shopping trip (and some Dime cake, natch). Does anybody need anything??

The best laid plans

Thank you so much to everyone who dropped by yesterday and wished me Happy Birthday. I've never had so many birthday greetings, and it made me smile a lot.

Is it just me though, or do other people's birthdays not go entirely to plan?

This is what I wanted to do yesterday :-

• Drive over to Abergavenny, ramble up Sugar Loaf Mountain, while taking amusing and witty photos of 007 in mountaineer mode (RGH tries to tell me that Sugar Loaf is a hill not a mountain but as it's my birthday, I win, and refer him to the Hugh Grant film which tackled this very subject)
• Feast on a picnic at the top, of RGH's home-made Butternut Squash and Carrot soup with grainy bread and lashings of butter (with thanks to my Aunty for donating said squash)
• Return home for a leisurely afternoon bath and prepare for going out for a meal
• Drive out to Planet Pizza with RGH and the RBD's, enjoy a couple of beers and a pizza, get the bus home
• Stop off at Blockbuster to rent Pirates of the Caribbean 3 after a recommendation by RBD2
• Eat chocolate, drink wine, and fall asleep on the sofa

This is what actually happened yesterday :-

• It rained. A lot. Abergavenny was cancelled, and a hastily convened trip to Clarkes Village at Street took place instead. With the idea that we may be able to walk up to Glastonbury Tor for photo ops and picnic.
• It carried on raining. 007 stayed mostly in my backpack ......

• Glastonbury Tor was cancelled and we drank the soup in a traffic jam on the way back to Bristol
• Had leisurely afternoon bath, got dressed for night out, but was then struck by terrible inertia and couldn't be bothered to go out
• Consulted family who all sighed with relief as they too are all incredibly lazy and just wanted to veg out on the sofa
• Drove to Sainsburys with RGH - at rush hour ..... foolish foolish mistake, for supplies of pizza and wine - and spent £15 of my birthday money on Pirates 3
• Spent 2 hours and forty five minutes in a darkened lounge, trying to think of any other films - apart from Terminator 2 and Mission Impossible II where the sequels are better than the original
• Spent 2 hours and forty five minutes trying not to think about how much knitting I could have been doing and resolved to spend £15 less on RBD2 this Christmas (kidding)
• Ate chocolate, drank wine, fell asleep on sofa and dribbled

So, a birthday not exactly as I'd envisaged, but a fun time was had by all. Apart from the RBD's who had to go to school. Shame.

Shame too, about the lack of photo opportunities for a knitted monkee .....





But I did buy a new bag and that's always a good thing ......

And this is the brilliant Shaun the Sheep that my RFS (Rather Fab Sis) knitted for me .....

Isn't he cute?

007 seems to like him too .......

Hmmm

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to .....

Ok, so it's not actually my party but it is my birthday. And as I desperately cling onto my thirties with my fingernails, and hear them snapping off one by one as I begin the slippery 364 day descent into forty-dom ..... at least I can take solace in this .....





..... while the rest of me may be sagging, wrinkling and crinkling (I'm not really that into beauty routines), my arm-pits will remain ever youthful and wrinkle-free. Hurrah!





And it's not all bad ..... I did get these rather marvellous boots .....












...... which may not be these coveted Boden ones .......






..... but on the other hand they didn't cost one hundred and forty five quid and they weren't on a seven week delivery.





But I know what you're thinking ..... they're a bit Dick Whittington, aren't they? While we don't have a puss around these parts, we do have one of these ......

Monkee in Boots

And because I enjoyed that so much here's another shot of 007 in his thigh high boots, addressing the latest stunt monkee recruits ......

I also got lots of lovely gifts from my family but as it's still dark I can't take copious pictures ..... but among other things there were loads of choccies, some perfume, a DVD and a FABULOUS knitted toy!

I'm off work all this week and RGH has taken the day of to commiserate celebrate with me. We were going to yomp up this but as it's been so rainy and I have slippage issues I think that little outing my be postponed.

And just before I rush off to have Birthday cake for breakfast, I'll leave you with this ..... and you can blame Lesley for it - she gave me the idea!

Not remotely interested

Do you have too many remotes in your life?






Do you keep losing them down the back of the sofa?






Or are you someone who, despite being well into your 40th year, refuses to accept that you may need glasses?

Or if you're a knitted primate, with no fingers or opposable thumbs ......

...... do you find these pesky fiddly remotes tricky to operate?

If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then you may need one of these ......

..... (no, the one on the left) Possibly the biggest remote IN THE WORLD .....

It replaces all those other tiny remotes* and is perfect for those pudgy knitted limbs .......

And the best feature of Possibly the biggest remote IN THE WORLD is this ..... if you get bored watching TV and fancy something different, simply press this button ......

...... and 10 minutes later ..... ok, make that 25 ..... a taxi will turn up at your door to whisk you out for the evening - now that's some remote!

* before you rush out to purchase one of these magnificent Possibly the biggest remote IN THE WORLD's, please note that it doesn't seem to work with a Virgin cable box. *Sigh*

Over on the stunt monkee news desk, it's been announced that three (possibly four) new monkees made of knit will be let loose in the Monkees 4 u shop bright and early* on Sunday morning. Local reports say that these reprobates will definitely be there ......

(two hairy chimps and a camo-monkee)

...... possibly being joined by a fourth, reported to be a Half-Pint 007 wannabe.

Our sources have warned that bagsy-ing these monkees will not be possible and they urge monkee lovers everywhere to limber up their commenting fingers in preparation for Sunday.

* as early as I can get up ..... let's say 6 am UK time .... or possibly five past .....