Monkey Army

I'm assembling my own monkey army. A monkey army to rival the vicious chicken's. Watch out, VC, even though they're not made of knit I'll bet my monkey army could take your monkey army with their hands behind their backs. ....... make that painted to their sides.

(Charity shop find. 75p. Bargain!)

Actually, scrub that ......

They'd probably just topple over like the bunch of monkey skittles they really are.

This one's my favourite .......

(don't tell the others)

Can you believe that I have not one but two new stunt monkees to share with you, and I post this? I can't either.

RGH - The Geek Chronicles : The end to end

Recently RGH said he thought we should try the end to end, and as I'm an open minded kind of girl who'll try anything most things once, I was up for it. But when I realised that he meant cycling from end to end - as in from Lands End to John O'Groats - on a bicycle, my enthusiasm waned somewhat a lot.

That's one heck of a long way. Especially if you carry your bike.

His enthusiasm for cycling, however, is ever growing. Since he turned 40 in March it's kind of become his obsession* (well, we all have them, don't we?) and he's not happy if he doesn't squeeze in 100+ miles a week - mainly through cycle commuting ......

...... or the odd weekend ride or Audax

Even when it's raining ......

This is fun!

Oh, by the way, if you only read this blog for the monkees, you may want to check back another day, because this post is about RGH, my Rather Geeky Gorgeous Husband, and a tale of the time he interfered with nature. Indulge me - it's been ages since he's featured in this blog in knitted pants or without a monkey in front of his face.


Still here? Then I'll begin. It was a day like any other ...... RGH wanted to go for a bike ride, I didn't ...... so I didn't. But he did.




And while he was out he saw a cat, further up the road with a baby bunny in its mouth. The bunny wasn't dead, it was struggling to get out of the kitty's mouth and RGH, being the big softie that he is, didn't like to see the bunny suffering and without really thinking suddenly took it into his head to SAVE THE BUNNY!

(we like bunnies)

So he cycled madly up to the cat and SHOUTED, in the hope that it would startle said pussy and the aforementioned bunny would be released.

And his plan worked well. The cat froze to the spot, opened it's mouth and dropped the bunny. Now, I don't think rabbits have huge brains, so it obviously didn't think "Hurrah! That kind chap has just saved me from this evil cat that was going to eat me", it probably thought something more like this ......

"Arrrrrggghhhh!! There's something even bigger than that cat!!"

So understandably the rabbit was keen to get away, possibly back to it's mum, or maybe to continue frolicking happily with its brothers and sisters in the hedgerow. So it ran off, quickly.

Right off the side of the motorway bridge that these events had unfolded on.

RGH took a tentative peek over the side of the bridge, only to see the poor little bunny lying in the middle lane of the busy motorway, looking up at him, back leg twitching. But he had to look away when he saw the HGV steaming down the road.

Rest in peace, little bunny.

A terrible, horrible tale in itself, but I couldn't help wondering. What if the cat hadn't been planning to eat the bunny? What if they were mates? What if the kitty was just giving its friend a lift across the road?? It just doesn't bear thinking about.

What? It's wasn't my fault

And the moral of this story? And quite an appropriate one for these mad times we live in ...... don't get involved. Or if you must, make sure you're not standing on a motorway bridge at the time.

For those of you holding out for a monkey shot, here's one for you (apologies if you've seen it before) ......

007 on a bike (combining both RGH's and my favourite things)

* I know what you're thinking : mid-life crisis. Maybe. But better this than a MLC that involves fast cars, younger women and a medallion.

SITUATION CRITICAL!

Code Red! Code Red!!

There are only two slabs of marble chocolate cake left ......

....... and this precarious situation is liable to change at any moment

Could the relevant Personnel please take immediate remedial action ........

Send emergency supplies of said chocolate goodies

- codename "Hedgehog cake"

TO AVOID DRASTIC ACTION

SEND THE CAKE .......

....... OR THE MONKEE GETS IT

You know who you are.

You have been warned.

(no monkees were harmed in the making of this post)

Vera

Yeah yeah, I know I'm not even supposed to be here but Vera went down such a storm yesterday (thanks for all the lovely comments), that I thought I'd see if I could push my luck and get another day's worth out of her. Plus I like to keep you on your toes.


Obviously I was lying about that whole not-liking-the-Vera-yarn thing. What's not to like about this?

(Vera's botty - so soft!)

Anyway, before she got squished up into a box and packaged off to Michaela, RGH and I thought we'd take her out on the town and show her some of the sights of Bristol .......

The Cathedral

The Council House

The SS Great Britain

The Clifton Suspension Bridge

The inside of a Coffee #1

(obviously the highlight of my Vera's trip)

Unfortunately it was quite rainy so we didn't see as much as we'd hoped for. Still, when we got home we introduced her to one of our favourite snacks .......

Orange squash and sliced apple. Oh no, wait, that's one of our other favourite snacks ......

That Vera though - she's such a lightweight

- two sips and her googly eyes were all over the place!

Note to Michaela : I'm sure she won't smell too bacony. Or beery. Or fishy (Scampi flavour fries). But sorry if she does.

Dear Michaela,

I just wanted to drop you a quick line to thank you, once again, for the lovely goodies that you sent me recently.



At first I was worried that you "picked" me out of the hat because you felt sorry for my daughter, as I hadn't baked her any of my coveted raspberry and white choc chip muffins for her birthday .....

..... or that you really thought I'd send you a sack of stunt monkees in return ......




...... but when I tasted this ........

...... all my worries and concerns just melted away.

And if these taste as good as they look then I don't give a monkeys how I came to be picked .......






Then, when I looked through and fondled all the gorgeous yarns that you'd very kindly given me (yes, I'm a closet yarn fondler) I thought I'd died and gone to stash heaven ......

(I NEVER buy proper NAMED wools!)

BUT ..... (and I hope you don't think I'm being ungrateful here) ...... but that Vera yarn?

It's not really my style. I gave it a good fondle and honestly, it's just not really "me".

So I thought I'd send it back to you. And you can pop it back in the stash basket, where it belongs.

I hope you won't take offence.

Vera

Possibly the only monkey I will ever name ......

...... although it kind of named itself really.

Anyway. As I say, I hope you don't take offence but I think it's probably best if I send Vera back to you, in the hope that you'll be able to make use of it.

Many thanks and regards

MM

xxx

I am NOT addicted and I WON'T be posting today!

Oh Bugger.


Ah well, while I'm here I may as well do this ....... I was tagged recently by My Paper World for this list ...... (and don't worry, Zoebert, who quite rightly pointed out yesterday that there was no monkee in sight on yesterdays post - you can skip this and just scroll down, where you shall be duly rewarded for your patience)



Four jobs I've had ......

shoe shop assistant

seamstress

hotel receptionist

call centre operative





Four places I've lived ......

Torquay, Devon

Exeter, Devon

Malmesbury, Wiltshire

Bovey Tracey, Devon





Four places I've been on holiday .......

Italy

Switzerland

Florida

Jamaica





Four favourite foods .......

Michaela's chocolate marble cake

bacon crisps

RGH's veg curry

Thorntons's chocolates





Four places I would rather be right now .......

back in bed with RGH

on-set with Goran Visnjic filming a new series of ER (a love scene preferably)

sitting next to a full sack of stunt monkees

raiding a Thorntons chocolate shop



And there you have it. Random stuff about me. Fascinating. I'm not going to pass it on but if anybody likes lists and wants to do their own then that would be smashing (cos you know how nosey I am)


Anyway, moving on to the whole point of this addictive pesky blog, I foolishly asked RGH for some help with my latest work in progress the other day .......




Never ask a 40 year old man boy who has just been to Woolies Pick & Mix sweet counter for help with a knitted monkey.



Of course, HP3 wanted a go with the teeth then ......





I should really have remembered from the last time he abused 007 in a similar fashion .......

More tea, vicar?

Anyway, I'm off for a muffin some cold turkey. See you in a few days. No, really.

The kindness of Bloggers

Bloggers. They're great aren't they? I'm not sure if all bloggers are the same, but certainly the crafty ones are great. They take the time and effort to make something ...... and then they give it away! Brilliant!


Take Sarah, at paper-and-string, who makes officially cute goodies. She gives stuff away every month! And this month I was lucky enough to win these tasty looking cupcakes .......

Thanks, Sarah!

Or Michaela, from The Stash Basket. She picked my name to win "a shoe-box of goodies" in her 100 posts giveaway ........

(shoe included for scale purposes only)

And wow, she wasn't kidding - this box was chock full of lovely stuff!

Make that choc-full. Just feast your eyes on these gorgeous examples of Michaela's legendary cake making skills ......

...... which definitely deserve a close up .......

(and yep - they taste as good as they look)

Next up there was STASH! From the STASH BASKET!!

Who gives away their treasured stash?? I know I don't!

And just in case all that wasn't enough (!), look at these cute little preserves ......

Spicey Plum chutney, Apple and Cranberry chutney and Raspberry jam - yum!

Thanks, Michaela, your generosity astounds me. Sadly though, I seem to have lost your return address since yesterday, so I have NO IDEA where to send the bag of stunt monkees. Sigh.


Finally, look at this cutie from Felicia at Fluffy Flowers .......

Thanks, Felicia, for these beautifully packaged goodies

And ok, so I bought these two from her etsy shop (but RGH doesn't need to know that) ...... (oops) ......

Actually, he's already seen this sweet little kitty brooch .......


I tried the "What, this old thing? I've had it for ages" routine, but his one raised eyebrow told me that he wasn't buying it. (Unlike me. Love you, Etsy!!)

Arrrrr

(that's for you, VC, just a couple of days late)

Please note :-

This post does not constitute a return to my aforementioned habit of blogging daily, and in that regard I have not succumbed to peer pressure. I just couldn't wait to show off all these goodies. I reserve all my rights to NOT post every day. So there.

The trouble with living with a fit bloke .....

..... is that sometimes he likes me to do fit things with him. Like cycling. Or walking. Or cycling. And when you're not really that way inclined ...... if, say for instance, you list one of your hobbies as "sitting down"; sometimes - just sometimes - it can make you a tad ratty.


Take last Sunday morning. I'd just done my regular early morning blogging and had slid back into bed for a session of warming my cold tootsies on the heater that is RGH.


But before they'd even started thawing he was out of bed saying "It's a lovely morning ...... shall we go for a cycle?"

Me (having foolishly thought I'd be safe this weekend as just the day before he'd put in nearly 40 miles of proper cycling. ie. without me holding him up) : "No way!"

RGH : "How about a walk?"

Me : "Get lost!" (Note to my Mum : I didn't really tell him to Get Lost. I know that's not the way to talk to your husband) (Note to everyone else : I really told him to Get Stuffed) (Hormones. What can I say?)


RGH : "You can bring a monkey and take hundreds of photos along the way"

Me : "No! Now get back here and warm my feet up (please)!!"


RGH : "We could stop for coffee and muffin on the way back ....."


Me (desperately fighting my way out of the duvet) : "Throw me my pants!!" (and for any Americans watching, I didn't mean my trousers)

Anyway, after that little too-much-information snippet (and sorry if I've put you off your breakfast), my mood wasn't great. I was only in it for the muffin. Still, I picked up 007 and off we went.

First of all he made us walk up this Telly Tubby hill ......

(I realise that that, in itself, doesn't look too bad.)

But then he suggested we walk to that tower in the distance .......

Well, I say "we", but most of the time 007 travelled like this ......

..... or this .....

...... or this .......

(Hmm. I think someone may be missing having a small child to give shoulder carries to)

Obviously the monkey and I tried to hide ......

...... but unfortunately that tree trunk wasn't big enough for both of us (so I let 007 have it)

Eventually I made it to the top of another hill, with 007 shouting encouragement all the way ......

007 :

We stopped for a breather at the top .......

...... and messed around for a bit .......

Until eventually we got there. This was as close as we could get ......

Shame really, as I quite fancied the idea of 007 doing a bit of a King Kong from the top of the tower. And where's that pesky bag of stunt monkees when you need it?

On the way back we went scrumping ......

...... but 007 didn't really like the healthy flavour of apple ......

(I assured him that in it's purest form of fermented fizzy apple juice, it's really quite pleasant)

And when we spotted the size of these conkers ........

007 was after them like a flash!

Now normally I hate tangle-weed in our hedge, but this looked quite sweet .......

..... and this looked even sweeter ......

FINALLY we got to Coffee #1 where I spent a good few minutes stroking my muffin .......

...... and can I just point out that I didn't do this ......?

(I merely took the photo)

And the worst part of it all? I had a really nice time. Just like he knew I would. But that's not to say I want to do it all again next Sunday, ok? (Apart from the coffee and muffin, natch)

A couple of other things ........

Thanks so much for all the lovely comments about my daughter's birthday, we were chuffed to receive them. Well, she wasn't that chuffed that my fears about a boyfriend were confirmed and worries that she may not be allowed out until she's 21. Or possibly 25.

And do you remember Pudding Padding? Gu. Reduced at Sainsburys. Hurry.