It's official ..... I'm too old for novelty back-packs

How sad. I do so love novelty back-packs. For years I carried around this one thinking it was the dogs scruttocks .......



In fact, I still love it, I've just come to realise that a woman of a certain age can no longer get away with wearing such wacky accessories without looking a tad weird. Maybe I'm wrong and it's completely fine, but on Thursday I'd obviously forgotten my own advice and cycled to work wearing the monkey back-pack. And I was so embarrassed! I felt like the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!




Now, I have no qualms about getting my monkey out in public - as it were - but actually WEARING one? That's totally different. Obviously my colleague has no such concerns, as here she is sporting 007 ......



Although she didn't venture out of the office wearing him, so who knows, she may feel the same.

Anyhoo. This all brings me to the question of what is to be done with the monkey bag. RGH is refusing to use it for a boy-bag ...... strange, he's usually so compliant ....... and obviously the RBD's have their teenage street cred to preserve. I could unravel and unpick him but that just seems like a horrible waste of time.

So, in a blatant rip-off of someone whose site I lurk at a lot, I'm going to have a competition! (Sorry Julie, but they say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery!). Yes, that's right, a competition to win my not-very-good-only-used-once monkey back-pack!!

And all you have to do to be in with a chance of winning this exclusive Monkeemaker back-pack is to leave a comment. Simple!

Now, bearing in mind that Julie had 376 entries in her recent competition I know that I can never compete with that. I may get 3 (after all, I have 3 regular viewers and I'll be expecting them to feel obliged to enter!); I may possibly get 7 or 6, but definitely not all three numbers together. But I'm fine with that. Because also bearing in mind that since starting this blog I've had 8 comments - and one of those was from RBD2 using my account - then any extras would be a bonus.

Oh, and one other thing to bear in mind is that Site Meter are still telling me nobody has looked at my monkeys (I think I'm going to sack them), and yes, most of those visitors on the right are still me! Just boosting my stats! So, if you want to win my not-very-good-but-quite-funny backpack, your chances are pretty good.

I'm going to keep it open for a week ..... hmm, maybe that should be a month depending on whether there are any takers! ...... and if anyone leaves a comment between now and next Saturday, they may find they have a back-pack made of knit foisted upon them.

Just think, this could be on a back near you in no time at all! So get commenting! Although do please note, that should you be the lucky winner of my not-very-good monkey bag, and when it flops onto your doormat you realise that, "Hey, it really is not very good!", I don't want it back. Ok? Just so you know.

So tell all your monkey-loving friends, because we just don't have the room here for more clutter.

Oh come on! SOMEONE must want him!

Child-friendly swearing

If parenting prizes were being handed out, I wouldn't exactly be preparing my acceptance speech, but one thing RGH and I did try to adhere to as the girls were growing up was to not swear in front of them. But everyone needs to vent now and then so we created our own child-friendly swear words.

Fudging Futtocks, Fingles Wicketts, Scruttocks, Chrimony, to name but a few (feel free to borrow any of these, by the way).

When I remember back to my childhood, even my mum tried this technique. But her choice was "Oh Dashit". Well, excuse me, but that's hardly hidden at all, is it??

But there were obviously occasions when we slipped up, and one memorable moment when RGH inadvertently used the grown-up f word was when he was spectacularly cut up by another car. But his crime was all the more heinous because not only were the RBD's sat in the back of the car, but also his mother. Gulp.

I too have been known to make the odd faux pas, the worst of which being the time when RGH and I were erecting this floor to ceiling head-board in the bedroom at our last house ........

Ah yes, I've always been one to toot my own horn, so obviously I called in a home-style magazine. Toot-toot!

Anyway, as always in our DIY exploits, RGH is the brains and the brawn, and I'm just the labourer who holds stuff. This particular day I was holding a large section of wood while RGH was screwing size 10 wood screws (and yes, ladies, in this instance size IS important) through it with his electric drill.

Unfortunately, when he inadvertently drilled said screw right through the wood I was holding, and then right through my index finger, all thoughts of "Fudging Futtocks" went right out of the window. And to add insult to injury (ha ha), he actually had to put the drill in reverse to get the bally (oh, there's another one!) thing out again!! Oh, what a laugh we had on the way to Casualty.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen was the day that RGH screwed me to the wall, quite literally.

I've added fake blood to this picture for dramatic purposes - obviously it wouldn't have looked very good in the magazine, but it would have been just there! *Shudder*

This story is the start of a new feature I'm adding for padding while work is being undertaken on the monkeys made of knit :- The Geek Chronicles, in which I shall detail the mishaps of RGH, my Rather Geeky Husband. And believe me, there have been a few.

And please tune in tomorrow, for big new about this .....

The hairy monkey bag

Random Monkey Shot # 13

Does my bum look big in this??

With special thanks to RBD1 for lending her beautifully customised PG Tips chimp for this shot.

The Answer

Why, they're all ingredients in my new project, of course! A project which combines two of my favourite things : knitted monkeys and bags!

My very first monkey back-pack - and probably my very last one too!

(I did mention it's not very good, didn't I?)

But it's quite funny

And have you ever tried taking photos of your back from the front while turning away from a mirror?? It's very tricky.

There are about 18 pictures like this .......

But then RGH turned up for some lunch and lo and behold I had a model for my bag. A surprisingly unwilling model actually, even though I assured him that my monkey sack would make a rather fabulous boy bag ......

But for some reason he's not convinced.

A Question

What do the following items have in common?

Two cool-bags from a charity shop ........

A black skirt ........

Size 10? I wish! (Another charity shop find)

And various monkeys bits .......

Any ideas?

It's got nothing to do with any of these things .......

(for a change)

No? Ok, I'll tell you later ...... but don't get too excited. It's not actually that good. But it is quite funny.

Other stuff wot I have knitted # 1

Yup. More padding I'm afraid. They say no news is good news, but in the case of the latest monkey shaped object I'm working on, I don't think that's absolutely true. Anyhoo, I'm hoping to reveal more of that later in the week, but for now, here's a new feature.

Other stuff wot I have knitted :

A sock.

I didn't bother knitting the other one. Socks just don't do it for me.

Sock monkeys, on the other hand, well that's a different matter.

And lest we forget what this blog is actually meant to be about, here's one I made earlier ......

007 in his natural habitat

Tune in another day for more exciting instalments of Other Stuff Wot I have Knitted. Or alternatively, rush out to your local DIY store, buy a pot of paint, take it home and open it. Now ..... and here comes the technical part ..... watch it dry.

I *heart* stationery

But I don't *heart* mondays. Especially wet ones. So here's a little reminder of my weekend .....

RGH helped me with my knitting.

*sigh* if only that were true

About a boy

...... if you can get away with calling a 40 year old man a boy, that is. Oh come on! It's been ages since I put any pictures of him up. Plus he loves it so (turns out he was fine with the 80's hair shots - it would only be current big hair pictures that he'd object to. Who can fathom the workings of the male mind?!)

Anyway, today my RGH has once again forsaken my ample charms in favour a group of sweaty, lycra-clad men with muscly legs ..... wait - why didn't I go again?? But I can't really complain (too much) because yesterday he was so busy that today he probably needs a break.

First of all he made this rather delicious flan ........




...... and then this rather luscious lasagne ........




...... and even a cheese-less one for himself .......




And all the while I was lying around eating grapes. Doh! Before my parents call to tell me off for my incredibly lazy behaviour, of course I wasn't just doing that! I was watching a DVD too. And knitting.

And then he did this ........






....... and this .......





....... and this .......





...... and then it started to get boring so I begged him to stop being so horribly busy and come in for a beer. But oh no. First he just had to do this .......





Until FINALLY, he did this ......

...... you don't think those two fingers are directed at me, do you?

So I guess he deserves a little R&R today. And if you call Bristol's Biggest Bike Ride a bit of R&R, then fair play to you. I call it too much like hard work.

And in knitting news, a small bout of Monkey Fatigue Syndrome occurred yesterday (the latest monkey-shaped creation I'm working on is proving a tad arduous), so I did this instead ......

..... it's from the free pattern by the very talented Julie, at Little Cotton Rabbits for a knitted cupcake (yes, I know I go on about her but when I grow up I want to knit like her!). But I wouldn't be me unless I deviated from the pattern slightly. It's meant to be one of these ......




I'm thinking of wearing it to Coffee #1 next time I go in the hope of getting a free muffin ..... heck, haven't I advertised them enough?

That's if RGH doesn't beat me to it .......

Cupcake for beefcake

And if I find out who it was that used 007 for door-propping purposes - there'll be trouble!

Random Monkey Shot # 12

All hail the conquering muffin!

Degrading? I think not. I'd have been down there but someone had to hold the camera. And anyway, they're my monkeys and I'll pose them as I like!

Hard day at the office, dear?

You probably weren't aware of this, but yesterday was actually National Take Your Monkey into Work Day, and after a straw poll at home, it was decided that 007 would be the lucky monkey to go with me.

This is my office ....... WHERE ABSOLUTELY NO KNITTING HAS TAKEN PLACE - apart from at lunchtime, natch .........





And the waiting room ........

...... and there's 007. Waiting.

He tried to do some important computer-type work ........

...... but once again his pesky monkey arms proved too short to be effective.

So I put him on light filing duties (hurrah! I hate filing!)





But 007 soon indicated that he was fed up with that task ........




But as I was extremely .........

...... he had to make his own amusement.

Which he did, playing with my stuff ........

Sheesh - I thought this was a long month!

He sent an SOS fax for emergency supplies .........

...... but sadly the muffins never arrived. He'd put the paper in back-to-front. (Plus he doesn't have fingers so that key-pad was really tricky for him.)



At lunchtime I set him the task of making me a cuppa. Well, you've heard of the PG Tips monkey ........

....... but have you heard of the Coffee and Cake Chimp??

After a while I wondered why my coffee was taking so long, so I went to investigate. I came across this .........

....... but I have absolutely NO IDEA what he was doing (I haven't been to many office parties)!

Embarrassed, 007 tried to blend into the background .......

...... but he only succeeded in making himself look like some kind of freaky knitted Hannibal Lecter.

Well, a fun day was had by all, but I think I'll leave him at home next year. And just incase my bosses didn't actually realise it was National Take Your Monkey into Work Day, and think I was just monkeying around during office hours, in the interests of not getting fired, I'd just like to publish a small disclaimer :-

DISCLAIMER

The above photographs were all taken either before office hours or during the lunch-break. No office stationery was used (apart from one scrap sheet of A4 paper). And at no point was the photocopier mis-used ..... maybe just polished a bit.

Thank you.

Your dedicated Employee.

Daily Photo # 95

It's been quite dull and dismal and so windy around here recently, I thought this shot may brighten me up a bit. It's a magnolia. (I think). It's not in my garden as we're strictly lawn only people - all that weeding and nurturing? I don't think so. But I do like to see other people's flowers.

Someone else's flower ..... a tulip?

Two more tulips

I have absolutely no idea

Ooh ooh, I know this one ....... another (giant) tulip

Umm ...... it's on the tip of my tongue

But here's something I am sure of ......

That's a 007, a No. 9 and a No. 10.

"Is it a Yeti??"