Child-friendly swearing

If parenting prizes were being handed out, I wouldn't exactly be preparing my acceptance speech, but one thing RGH and I did try to adhere to as the girls were growing up was to not swear in front of them. But everyone needs to vent now and then so we created our own child-friendly swear words.

Fudging Futtocks, Fingles Wicketts, Scruttocks, Chrimony, to name but a few (feel free to borrow any of these, by the way).

When I remember back to my childhood, even my mum tried this technique. But her choice was "Oh Dashit". Well, excuse me, but that's hardly hidden at all, is it??

But there were obviously occasions when we slipped up, and one memorable moment when RGH inadvertently used the grown-up f word was when he was spectacularly cut up by another car. But his crime was all the more heinous because not only were the RBD's sat in the back of the car, but also his mother. Gulp.

I too have been known to make the odd faux pas, the worst of which being the time when RGH and I were erecting this floor to ceiling head-board in the bedroom at our last house ........

Ah yes, I've always been one to toot my own horn, so obviously I called in a home-style magazine. Toot-toot!

Anyway, as always in our DIY exploits, RGH is the brains and the brawn, and I'm just the labourer who holds stuff. This particular day I was holding a large section of wood while RGH was screwing size 10 wood screws (and yes, ladies, in this instance size IS important) through it with his electric drill.

Unfortunately, when he inadvertently drilled said screw right through the wood I was holding, and then right through my index finger, all thoughts of "Fudging Futtocks" went right out of the window. And to add insult to injury (ha ha), he actually had to put the drill in reverse to get the bally (oh, there's another one!) thing out again!! Oh, what a laugh we had on the way to Casualty.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen was the day that RGH screwed me to the wall, quite literally.

I've added fake blood to this picture for dramatic purposes - obviously it wouldn't have looked very good in the magazine, but it would have been just there! *Shudder*

This story is the start of a new feature I'm adding for padding while work is being undertaken on the monkeys made of knit :- The Geek Chronicles, in which I shall detail the mishaps of RGH, my Rather Geeky Husband. And believe me, there have been a few.

And please tune in tomorrow, for big new about this .....

The hairy monkey bag